Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
