bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
