from now on my penis is your penis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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