Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
