I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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