i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
