is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
