he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
