i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
