my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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