I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
