Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
literally had 100 drinks last night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
