Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
