Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
