Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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