2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
