You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
