??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
