Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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