its not stalking. its research.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
