the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
