he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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