I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
