The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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