So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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