I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
