It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she peed on how many people?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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