An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
