Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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