they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
