Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
