I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
