we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
