her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
