Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
