last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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