So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
