if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
