We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
