there was a trapeze. enough said
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
