oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't deserve a penis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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