I will die if light touches me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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