So drunk its hurt
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
