Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
