I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
