I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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