i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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