i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
