Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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