So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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