I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
